There’s just something about looking into the mind of a complete stranger and reading their daily musings on Twitter.
Enter Exploding Unicorn – you can already tell he’s the daughter of four girls can’t you.
As the father of young girls with inquisitive minds and quick witted responses, he is doing the internet a favour by posting some of these exchanges.
And with over 13k tweets on his account, there are plenty of nuggets of wisdom here.
Here are some of our favourites from 2016:
No DNA test needed.
I’m sure she’s mine. pic.twitter.com/C1FntjdRUE
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 13, 2015
3-year-old daughter: A boy at daycare said he likes me.
Me: Do you like him back?
3: He colors outside the lines. He needs to grow up.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 15, 2016
Wife: Did our daughter write this note or did you?
Me: Do you really think my handwriting looks like a 5-year-old’s?
Wife: Hers is better.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 15, 2016
Me: Time for breakfast.
5-year-old: Wow, Dad, you didn’t burn it as much as usual.
Her current passive aggressiveness level is wife.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 15, 2016
Being a dad means always being a shoulder to cry on.
And wipe your nose on.
And spit up on.
I’m basically just a human napkin.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 13, 2016
My toddler pointed at a Cheerio she dropped in church and said, “Come back.”
I’m raising a Jedi.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 10, 2016
[reading “Hansel and Gretel”]
Me: Would you want to live in a gingerbread house?
5-year-old: Does it have Wi-Fi?
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 9, 2016
Me: We’ve taken 1,000 pics. We’re never going to get all 4 kids smiling at once.
Wife: Fine. Just pick the best one pic.twitter.com/E7jDR5uGIm
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 27, 2016
Me: You put your coat on upside down.
3-year-old: No, I didn’t.
Me: Your hood is on the bottom.
3: My butt gets cold.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 26, 2016
Christian daycare lady: Do you play Xbox in front of your 3-year-old?
Me: Yeah. Why?
Lady: She told me Jesus got pwned.
King of the noobs
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 24, 2016
5-year-old: You don’t have many friends to play with.
Me: I guess not.
5: I told my teacher you always play with yourself.
Thanks, kid.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 21, 2016
Me: Stay dressed when you pee.
3-year-old daughter: Why do you keep telling me to keep my clothes on?
Me: It’s my main job as your father.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 4, 2016
H/T Hellogiggles
